The Story of an Ego

12:39pm: something very exciting
http://www.piclens.com

You must install this. If for nothing else, I'm breaking my LJ drought to ask you to do this.

4:18pm: i am my Muse
Hey everyone

I'm writing to declare the death of my LJ blog. I've got a new blog, which is perhaps less entertaining for you, but so much more self-indulgent that I just couldn't resist.

http://geishas.wordpress.com

All this means is that I won't be posting here any more but I'll still be reading and commenting on your blogs using this account.

3:46pm: Hello World
Long time no LJ, everyone. =) But I've been reading so I'm actually reasonably up to speed with that part of your life you've chosen to reveal on here.

Yesterday was my graduation ceremony. So I thank you for attending this historical occasion of the maiden speech of the newest Graduate in Bachelor of Software Engineering (Honours) and Bachelor of Arts from the University of Sydney.

Before the big day I was actually rather nonchalant about it and didn't really even ever think much about it. But on the day I felt sick all day. Of course it could've been due to my sleep deprivation this week. Then I was in my gown, hood and trencher. Sitting in the Great Hall with the organ playing behind me, I was suddenly overcome with a feeling of "sadness". I can't really identify that feeling but I'm calling it "sadness" because it made me teary. I didn't let the tears out, but it happened a few times as my Dean droned out our names one by one.

But yes, I'm finally done with uni! I feel validated, vindicated and very very vonderful.

However, a graduation speech that does not digress is not a graduation speech. So, ladies and Ladies, I'm going to start the next part of this speech with this: O Knowledge! Thou art fearsome! hehe You know how sometimes you want to know everything, or rather just really really want to know something. But then you know what you thought you wanted to know and start to wish to un-know it. But I guess in the end it is best to have all the information to make the best conclusions that you can.

Anyway, I heard a rumour too that Tom Hanks died in New Zealand. But that was last week so if it hasn't come out in news yet then it was probably wasn't true. But if it was really true then don't forget you heard from here first. =)

10:29pm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjjvUO4xxlQ

Pretty funny, huh? When I have time I'm going to seek out all the Hard Gay videos on youtube hehe. But this one was particularly relevant obviously.

Anyway, the main purpose of this post is somewhat more sombre. To those friends whom I haven't seen or spoken to in the last few weeks, this "disappearance" is likely to continue because my family requires most of my spare time and energy right now. If your curiosity becomes unbearable you can try to seek a better explanation from me personally =) Otherwise I will be content if with the knowledge I've already given you, you can excuse my lack of communication effort for the moment.

I'll still check livejournal weekly but posting and even commenting are not likely. But please don't think I'm a bitch or anything.

6:44pm: thank you, paddington
So yes, friends and friends, I think I have finally broken the Marcs spell - Marcs is no longer my favourite clothing store and the Zen show will now be brought you by nrovocator and incu.

Today I actually went out to Paddington and shopped for the first time there - all I can say is, OMG.

Thank you, God, for anti-establishment boutiques that in spite of their elitism and pretensions do actually make a contribution to this world by making the most fucking amazing and comfortable stove pipe jeans that ever hugged my fat thighs (nrovocator).

Thank you, God, more still, for winter-before-spring discounts so I am able to join the fat-stripes fashion coup at $60 a pop for my polo shirts instead of $175 (incu).

I highly recommend my fellow Sydneysiders to make their way to Oxford St, Paddington before 1 Aug. (Phil, this is your best chance of recreating the golden glories of the gorgeous gay you enjoyed during the Danny era, lol)

But did you think I was just going to make a LJ post about stupid clothes? No! Today's shopping was therapy for me, for which now I shall relate the attending circumstances.

You see, precisely because I am not shallow, sleazy or stupid, I have always hated the Shift. But I was there last night, on a date with a boy. There are so many things wrong with that but nothing upset me more than this: I was at the Shift for a boy. I'm not even ever at the Shift for a friend, but I was there for a boy that I met for a second time. Boo Zen, boo! Anyway, to cut a long story short, we had a good time but he had other issues in his life that need to be worked through so he and I weren't to be.

I am not at all angry or upset at him. He's a decent guy and we had fun. But I am just pissed off at myself, my unprincipled willingness to make exceptions and concessions for anyone or anything my rather quick-tempered passion takes a fancy to.

Anyway, I'm going to stop this post here because my train of thought has been interrupted by a phone call. =)

4:33pm: In my previous life,
I was surely an Arab. Last night I did some Sheesha smoking, drank Turkish coffee with some Turkish delights and I was simply stunned with hedonist enjoyment. They are true luxuries being completely inconsequential to one's daily survival. The sweetest breaths I never drew until last night! The most delicious blend of perfection as the bitterness of the coffee trickles down my sugar-coated tongue! In comparison wine was just boring.

So thanks to Phil and Nonie for organising it!

Btw, if any of you uses the latest windows live messenger, give me a shout and I'll add you to my yahoo messenger account at work, thanks to the new interopability feature. Then we can chat while I'm working! If you don't have live messenger or the latest yahoo messenger, get it! And since Microsoft is evil, you know what choice to make lol

10:12am: http://9.yahoo.com/ <-- best idea in the world (yes I am shameless)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5qoMfBJUeI <-- funniest idea in the world

back to work.

7:10pm: It's amazing!
http://semaja2.net/archives/56

Drop everything and go to the above site. It is the most amazing stuff, it's optical illusion you have to construct yourself. I did it at work and my manager and I have been staring at it ever since lol.

I imagine Pontus, Norm and Josh will enjoy this the most. In fact, Pontus, since you have so much time now, maybe you can draw a 3D version of the product and so I can make it my desktop heheheh.

Life is quite good at the moment, I had a very fruitful week at work. In my manager's words, this week's wider team meeting was "the Zen show". I did 2 presentations on various stuff and it was well-received. I just love the vibe at work, it's always very friendly and positive.

I also made some progress in coming out. There's no planning involved of course, I'm not that anal. An opportunity came up so I just grabbed it. I was playing with this green squishy funny-material soft-spikey ball (upon impact with a hard surface a smaller ball inside it also flashes coloured light) which I won at Bingay (the bingo night hosted by the world's best drag queen none other than Mitsy herself at the Imperial Hotel for the uninitiated). The ball is really addictive and the addiction also seems to be universal - naturally a co-worker also started to play with it.

CW: It's so cool! Where did you get it?
ME: At bingo.
CW: Oh at where?
ME: The Imperial Hotel in Newtown? Do you know where that is?
CW: Oh yeah, the one on the corner? I didn't know they had bingo?
ME: Yeah, it's called Bingay. *smile*
CW: OH? Bin GAY?
ME: Yeah.

She didn't react at all though so that's the end of the story hehehe. It could be because I have somehow planted the seeds of doubt in their mind already. She's the same co-worker who asked me if I had a "partner" in my first week, which I thought was unnecessarily politically correct.

Should be fun.

9:25pm: Listen up!
You really owe yourself watching this anime feature: Mind Game. I am, and have been, hands down worshipping it on the ground and spitting out crazed chants like I'm a crazy person. With no intention to exaggerate, it is the most perfect anime I have ever seen. Not only does it have everything a good anime should have:

- it is a mind fuck
- Japanese toilet humour
- absolutely awe-inspiring imagination
- WTF moments
- and so on

But it also does things so incredibly well that it was like I had never seen anime before it. And that's not all, it also has qualities that other animes lack:

- unique animation style
- universal humour
- less overbearing moral compass more let's just take a piss at everything

It's just an incredibly RICH work, visually (I can't say enough about the animation style), aurally (I actually liked the soundtrack without remembering anything from it hehe) and thematically (so many cross-cultural references and hard pokes at the ways in which we have been accustomed to think and behave and etc).

The documentary I saw yesterday (Abduction the Megumi Yokoda Story) was very good too. If you're interested in 拉致問題, it's quite a good introduction to the issue. I was fascinated as it was all over the news when I lived in Japan. I cried with the entire sniffling audience throughout the film. It's coming to Japan soon I think, you guys should look out for it, especially our own Megumi-chan, hehe. But please, whatever you do, don't go to the beach on the west coast of Japan without at least 3 other friends. =)

10:42pm: I'm a Busy Bee
I'm looking forward to going to bed in about, say, 5 minutes? But before that I thought I'd post an update, a really brief one.

Friday: went to Beau's housewarming
Saturday: saw an excellent amateur production of Les miserables, made tacos and watched dvd
Monday: went to the MCA and saw the Sam Taylor-Wood exhibition and Biannale (the artworks at Walsh Bay wharf 2/3 are WONDERFUL! See it if you get the chance)
Tuesday: Belle and Sebastian concert!!! It was brilliant, LOVED it. I was standing in the second row so it was pretty up close and personal.
Wednesday (today): Saw "Dear Pyongyang" at the Sydney Film Festival. First film in years to make me cry, and first film EVER to make my tears flow freely like a tap without my state of mind being predisposed to crying beforehand.

Then from tomorrow to Monday, I'll be seeing 5 more films at the film festival. Should be good. Join me if you like:

Thursday: Burke and Wills
Saturday: Abduction the Megumi Yokota Story, Gabrielle
Sunday: Mind Game
Monday: Dam Street

It's possible I'll be seeing CRAZY too Friday week.

Life, is good.

10:34am: Encore
Oh my god, this quiz thing is MAJORLY fun! hehehehe

For those who don't know where I was born, you're in big trouble! I shall interrogate you one on one the next time I see you, which is most likely tonight at Blake's party!

Most of you seem to know what I like to wear but have no idea exactly how many relationships I've had. Most of you also know who my favourite author is but have no idea what my favourite book is. And most interestingly, a lot of you think I'm still obsessed over Geoff but obviously never listened to me when I ranted about him because you have no idea what makes Mr Perfect perfect.

I want to know who "onetwo" is! Out of nowhere but scored so well.

3:38pm: Sweet sweet love
Ok I have joined the self-worshipping quiz clique: http://zen.funtest.biz/ I had a lot of fun setting up the questions, hope you'll have fun answering them heh heh heh.

Haven't posted for a long time, so I'll give you an update about my life. The thesis is coming along and that's where most of my time goes. That means 16-hour-days when I'm working full time. Ergh. But I shan't complain since I brought this upon myself. In fact I'd like to thank and anticipate your patience during this period of difficulties, non-communication and high irritability.

The most exciting thing in my life at the moment is that I'm starting a 3 months contract position with Yahoo! next week. I won't try to explain it here since people usually get bored before I even start but in a nutshell, it's a position that will span across all the areas of advertising, media and IT. Hopefully they'll like me and take me in for good too after the end of the contract.

This is actually the end of the update, my darlings. Though you may have got the impression from the subject of this post that I have some other exciting news, but no, hehe =) I was just very touched by an email I just read from a friend who has recently been to Prague and his sweet encounter with a non-English-speaking Czech bartender who owned an adorable Jack Russel. Every aspect of the story had something that appealed:

- travelling
- random human kindness
- random human connection
- dog person
- the foreignness
- two individuals in urban ghetto
- charm of the unexpected

Not to mention he was in fucking PRAGUE! So jealous. But yeah, I thought the whole thing is very heart-warming and meaning-giving. I love life because of these things.

6:39pm: Always professional
You know, I can finally now appreciate the advantages of keeping one's professional and private relationships apart as far as possible in a workplace. I'm not even talking about romantic relationships, which no doubt are infinitely messier therefore would only accentuate the advantages. I'm in fact merely talking about a sort of acquaintance that would occasionally involve exchange of personal views. Case and point -

(over lunch)
Co-worker: Have a read of this, it's quite interesting.
Zen: Oh Ok *reads newspaper article that talks about how many partners one should go through before settling down in life (12 apparently, if you're curious)*
CW: This is really quite unacceptable. I think I'm very conservative, I'd care about my wife's past.
Zen: Oh you mean you would want to marry a virgin?
CW: Yeah, don't you?
Zen: I really wouldn't care. *getting irritated*
...ensues CW's increasingly sexist justifications for his preoccupation with women's virginity and Zen's passive aggressive rebuttal delivered with smiles and a secret desire to throw CW out the window...
CW: It's not even about the red spot on the bedsheet, it's a reflection of what sort of attitude a woman has in life.
Zen: hmmmm...interesting...oh I think we really should go back to work.

If I was in a pub, you see, I would've frowned, rolled my eyes, shaken my head, laughed, ridiculed and left the table in disbelief. However, even though it was a perfectly civil conversation, it is still going to affect my enjoyment of work (especially with him). Therefore the personal will be affecting the professional.

Other instances include -

(in my car)
CW2: oh slow down, shit I left my glasses on my desk. Is that chick hot?
Zen: *changes subject*

(over lunch)
CW3: why did CW4 just walk into AB's office and lock the door?
Zen: He's saying his prayers I think.
CW3: Oh he's muslim?
Zen: Yes, I believe so.
CW3: He never told us when we hired him.
Zen: Well...
CW3: Does AB know that he's using his office?
Zen: Yes I think so...
CW3: Oh... hmmm
Zen: *ready to strike and slap*

I'll have to plan my coming out very carefully hehe.

On a different note, radio put me in a sad sad mood this afternoon. It kept playing those old Scottish/Celtic music, which is always so beautiful and melancholy at the same time. I was quite ready to break down in the car but I didn't of course, it would've been very silly hehehehe

9:35pm: Mmmmm
I'm bad. I'm disgusting. I'm DIRty.

Because I enjoy reality television, such as The Biggest Loser and Big Brother. The real surprise here is the Biggest Loser actually; I always hated the concept of it and avoided it. But by chance I caught it over dinner one night and haven't been able to look back since. There's something about that show, perhaps it's because all these people are struggling for something that is: a) commonly accepted as "bad"; b) readily observable by others; c) possible to be changed.

Big Brother is something completely different. Especially this year as it is a very good looking house - in fact the best looking house Australia has ever had I reckon. But it is still going to be a stupid house; the self-conceit! the silly self-defence mechanisms! the breathy laughters! They've kept all the stereotypes: the DTE farmer, the blonde skank, the surfie, the jock, the dickhead, and a lot of bitches. But there's someone new too! It's Tilly, the private school educated Ballerina who says all her Ts properly and admits to her distaste for "country people". Her introduction video was filmed in Papa and Mama's grand old house, probably in Sydney's eastern suburbs, darrrling. She's going to get slaughtered =p

Oh there's a token Asian chick too. I was hoping for a local Lucy Liu until she spat this out: "I just hate people who come to Australia not wanting to be Australian." Fuck you too, silly bitch.

9:35pm: Jane Overload
Recently I got Northanger Abbey for $5 and was reading that before and after dinner tonight. Then I got a little bored so I watched Emma on DVD with my mother dozing off next to me. It was great; especially considering how much I disliked Emma the character in the book. (Though Fanny Price from Mansfield Park still takes the prize of being the most annoying character ever.) Austen is really funny and a natural satirist. A lot of people can't seem to see past her middle class heroines and English countryside. Reading her reminds me of reading Oscar Wilde's plays. Except her novels are much more complex of course. Oh Jane.

So yeah, it has been a very Jane/sappy/I-love-Mr-Knightley-too sort of evening. It was appropriate for the sort of mood I'm always in when I watch a DVD by myself on purpose too. My favourite on these occasions though is this Japanese TV drama called "Long Vacation". I know all the places that make me teary in the plot and always look forward to them hehe. It's an absolute classic. I wish I could spend all my days like this, reading and thinking and withering away ;p

And now off to bed, my first early night in a week! Good night to you, ladies and gentlemen and those who are inbetween. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1:18pm: 大丈夫だと思ったのに、死んでる。
昔の人はもし誰にも知られたくない秘密をもってるなら、山の奥に行って、木を見つけて、木に穴を掘る、それで、その秘密は穴に言い、その穴を泥で蓋する。そうしたったら、その秘密は誰にも知られない、永遠の秘密になる.....

In other news, I'm playing FFXI. So if anyone's playing it or interested in playing too, please tell me!!! (Joey, are yous till playing?) I'm on the Unicorn server.

12:01pm: Growl
When was the last time I made an angsty post? I can't remember. But I kinda miss them, don't you? So I'm going to make one, but in Japanese this time heh heh. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you in a story.

Apparently more than two thousand years ago around the time of the Warring States, there was this guy who wanted to steal a bell (think church bell) from a rich man's house. The bell was too large to carry by himself so he decided to break it into pieces. Being a bell, it of course started to make some rather alarming noise. In fear of discovery, he covered his own ears and was relieved to find the noise wasn't so bad after all. So he continued to break the bell thinking if he couldn't hear it, no one else could. He was caught by a mob of course.

おまえのことをずっと覚えていくようにするのみたいなぁ、マッタク。どうなっても忘れてほしいけど、忘れられない。会いたくて、会いたくて、会いたくて。会って、もっと忘れにくくなってしまって、困る。

アイって、なんだろう。友達と恋人の違いがなんだろうか。実は、そういう違いがあるかどうかのもわからない。いつもお互いに理想とか感情とか話して、心に深く隠した秘密を明かして、そんな近しさをなにが超えられるはずがない。

しかし、おまえにとって、その違いがわかりやすいみたいだよね。それで、つらい。それで、忘れたい。でも会いたい。おまえもおれのそばにいたいだろう。じゃ、おれは永遠にこのすべてを隠して、おまえのそばにもいるように。それはおれの無言の行だ。

Riveting.

9:29am: Brain Fart
A few years ago I watched this really good Japanese TV Drama, 神様！もっと時間を, or roughly translated as "God! Please give me more time". It's about this high school girl (深田恭子, Fukada Kyoko) contracting HIV the first time she had sex (unsafe sex with a complete stranger of a salaryman that is, learn your lesson kids), and her story with this cool and aloof popstar (金城武, Kaneshiro Takeshi) who's a bit of a misanthrop really. Anyway, the show's theme song is called Infection by 鬼塚ちひろ, Onitsuka Chihiro, and I've always loved it. Recently I downloaded it and so have been listening to it and stuff.

Then it hit me: Infection! Infection! It's playing on the theme of HIV and AIDS and etc, because it's a viral infection! OMG!

Well that was exciting, wasn't it? =)

I've been working a lot lately and it's going to be this way for a while yet. But some of it is very exciting - I'll be sent to the National Museum in May/June to do some testing work. So if anyone wants to visit Canberra in the middle of winter and freeze your tits off, it'd be perfect.

And Feel Good Inc is a glorious song!

3:45pm: Bye Mitsie
Here I am, at work, sittingly idly because the website I'm supposed to test is down. I guess it's a good time to update you lovely people on my life, whilst getting paid.

I have had a very busy couple of weeks, working like a dog and going to job interviews (for a full time job). Money, what else is there (I'm only quoting =)). Job interviews are interesting actually. I mean job interviews themselves are pathetically dull, they always end up asking the same questions no matter how creative they try to be. But the whole experience is almost enlightening. For starters I'm learning to be accepting of rejections hehe. But also when I work at other large companies and with their employees, I see how wrong the whole human resource acquisition process can get. I almost feel vindicated that they're rejecting me for these duds. It could be that I'm bad at interviews or I'm just delusional about my abilities. I highly doubt it =p But it is definitely a difficult business, finding good people to hire.

I'm trying to think of anything interesting to talk about but so far nothing comes to mind. Anything that is both interesting and not infringing upon people's privacy that is, heh heh. Let's talk about rice queens (for my straight friends: this term usually refers to a Caucasian gay man who is exclusively attracted to Asian men) and paedophiles then lol.

It is official from all the empirical data I have collected mentally from minute and inconspicuous observation that rice queens are mostly attracted to boyish guys. By boyish I mean they have to look like they're 12. This is by no means a criticism because I'm pretty open-minded about this sort of stuff. It's just frustrating that I can't compete with that hehe. I mean usually I steer clear well away from 'rice queens' or anyone that kids themselves thinking attraction based on one's race is OK. But occasionally I do see a 'nice rice queen' who can possibly be reformed through my education =p But no, they'd just be mesmerised by some random 12yo-looking asian guy walking past and that's that.

This is not to say that this attraction towards younger looking guys is peculiar to the world of rice queens. In fact, a serious amount of people, including my friends who are mostly close to being 20yo, find guys who look under 18 attractive. I've got no problem with that. What I have problem with is the denial and hypocrisy surrounding this issue I witness in people. "Oh no, he's only a first year, I can't possibly date him!" And soon this sort of introspections comes out and tries to regulate other people's behaviour by stigmatising people who do act upon their attraction and date younger guys.

I'm going nowhere with this of course since I'm writing about a vastly complex issue on a blog. But what I'm trying to say I guess is that paedophilia is not a black & white issue (then again, nothing is) and I just hate how militaristic people become over it. Bah.

3:12pm: Hello World
So yes, I just got out of the hospital this morning for the second time this week. Ergh. Tonsilitis is not funny when I have it. A few things worthy of noting:

1. My doctor was very cute! had a nice accent! and didn't hurt me when he stuck the IV needle into my vein.
2. Had morphine administered for the first time in my life. Didn't work at all actually, my throat still hurt like hell. So I refused more of it the next morning. I just wanted to try it the previous time as well and see what the fuss was all about. Absolutely disappointing. Panadol works much better hehe.
3. So yesterday morning, just before the team of doctors arrived to inspect my condition, my senses were attacked by this incredibly vivid stench. Immediately I thought, "OMG, the guy next to my bed has just shat himself." I looked at my mum, who evidently smelt it too and knitted her eyebrows in mutual understanding. The smell became stronger and I was becoming nauseaus. Then I suddently realised that it came from no one else but myself because I just tasted it on the tip of my throat. The pus-ridden swelling on my left tonsil had spontaneously busted and was leaking the foulest, the most disgusting, absolutely stomach-turning and indescribly revolting stuff into my mouth and throat. I started to vomit. Then the doctors came in. After some consultation, one of them gave me local anaesthetics, cut my left tonsil open and used medical tongs to pull the wound open to let any remaining pus out. It was extremely painful.
4. Hospital food is gross.
5. Some patients are too talkative and like to share with people with their treatments like showing trophies ;)

Now I'm going to rest.

1:58am: You're Invited
to Zen's birthday gathering:

7pm
Saturday 25th February
First Floor (up the stairs - toilets - up another set of stairs)
World Bar http://www.theworldbar.com.au
24 Bayswater Rd Kings Cross (2 min from station)

Please join me for some champagne and teapot cocktails! We actually have an entire floor to ourselves too, but it'd be ideal if everyone can arrive on (or near on) time to make sure we dominate the space hehe. Any questions please ask here or email or ring me... Please also tell people you think I may have missed in my invitations.



PDF version is here

7:08pm: How was your Day?
Breaking news: please watch out for this space because I will soon be announcing something that you'll be sorry to miss.

Hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day. Mine was actually surprisingly good. In the afternoon I had coffee with Eriko-san and Keera (JYPE student from UNSW after our year)! Eriko-san and Sugisawa (I think that's his name???) sensei are visiting partner universities in Australia at the moment. It was really quite amazing to see her again after almost 2 years. She was looking very stylish as most Japanese visitor do hehe. She has also given us, my fellow JYPE alumni, some homework: in a few weeks the Tohoku international website will be launching some sort of alumni service so we all can keep in touch. So our task is to give it all our enthusiasm and organise a future reunion!

Some news: Ma Lin is still doing postgrad work at Tohoku, happily married. Another Chinese student Huang is also in Japan on a Monbusho scholarship. Leila's good Moroccan friend, whose name eludes me, is also back in Japan studying. Quite exciting. Oh about a year after we left, on two separate occasions a car was driven onto Ichiban-cho and ran over many pedestrians, causing some panic amongst the students. And Daiei has been in serious financial trouble and is in for an overhaul (logo change, subleasing floor space, etc). Jujiya has shut down.

After this I went to an anti-valentine twilight picnic that attracted about 20 people. I drank too much and developed a throbbing headache. Played a bit of frisbee, enjoyed some nice cheese, homemade schnitzel and quiche. Pretty nice I thought. Near the end of the night, Josh and I sat on a tree and brooded together over our turbulent month of love. As we got off the tree, we noticed this cute seedling growing on the bark of the tree. So we killed it. ;)

One of things we've been talking about in the last few days is the 5 Stages of Grief (in reference to grief induced by disappointment in love interest). The system actually makes sense even though for me the order of the stages was a bit different. I think Bargaining came before Anger for me. But as of today I'm pretty sure I'm at Depression. Evidence:

1. Woke up from a long dream about Geoff. So I began to think about him and our time together until I got to work.
2. On the train home I remembered the scenario of saying goodbye to Monica at the Kaikan bus stop before leaving Japan. Very sentimental and still moment, made me deathly calm.
3. During dinner I was thinking to myself how grateful I was for my mum cooking every meal and how nice these meals were. This is really weird I can assure you. I even started to think, "Living at home isn't so bad."

Oh well. At least the next step should be acceptance as long as my head doesn't fuck with me.

12:10pm: Ubiquitous States of America attacks again -
with www.facebook.com

The best thing ever came out of the states I reckon! I love it hehehehehe It's, like, SO fetch. =p I'm having so much fun with it, it's just a very good system. Anyone who's already on it, add me add me!! Anyone who's not on it yet, join up. You can do so as long as you have a university email address.

I also went to see The Aristocrats yesterday, it was all right. Quite boring at times, but so funny at others. America has a soul after all =) Whoopi Goldberg, is a seriously funny woman and a very artful comedian. There must be a transcript of the entire movie somewhere on the web...

I saw a lot of people yesterday, it was very nice. An optimal of drunkenness was also achieved early on in the evening and maintained throughout the night: tipsy, the slightest headspin, this euphoric feeling of being at peace with the world. Time to quote Emiliana Torrini:


Full of wine, unsteady
Nothing brings me down


A state of perfect bliss rarely achieved but strived for by every drinker for that reason. Maybe I am an alcoholic.

1:49pm: I see blood
I woke up really really angry this morning. I was raising my left eyebrow and squinting with my eyes still closed. Indignation. Extremely annoyed. <---- Have you noticed a trend in my writing incomplete sentences? That in itself is irritating to me. I need new doses of Austen-esque long sentences. There's one more book I haven't read, its name escapes me for the moment.

The book I've just finished reading is Annie Proulx's Wyoming short story collection, Close Range. It's got Brokeback Mountain, which was why I borrowed it from a friend anyway. She really is a very good writer, though I found it difficult to get into her work. You know the award-winning kind where there's so much stuff you can never bite through in the first go. But here's a funny passage:


"I guess. Here's Doc Osborne, first Democratic governor. A lynch mob hung Big Nose George Parrott back in the 1870s. Doc got the body, skinned it, tanned the hide, made himself a medical bag and a pair a shoes. Wore the shoes to his inauguration. They don't make Democrats like that anymore."

- The Governors of Wyoming

4:08pm: White lily lies
It is just So easy to be heroic.

Oh no, you go right ahead, no need to consider me.

Yes I'll be all right.

Of course it's ok, I can just wait.

I'm so glad things have worked out the way they have. *hearty laughter*

I understand.

Don't worry about me, it's nothing.

Ah ha ha ha ha.

...

Then you have to live with the consequences. Of actually having to be heroic. You wake up. After breakfast. You realise that really, there's nothing more important right now than having it your way. *selfish baby cry* It's as if somehow the night has sucked all the heroic sentiments out of you. But no amount of sighing, wall-punching or forehead-slapping will undo your momentary heroism.

------------------------

Watched Brokeback Mountain. Loved it. Long, but couldn't blink for any of it. Looks exquisite. Emotions are intense and heart-wrenching. Want to see it again.

But yeah, the joke of it being called Bareback Mountain is very funny and appropriate. Cowboys.